Monday, April 14, 2014

INTJ Personality Type: 'Introvert' Does Not Mean 'Shy'

I've been learning a lot in my new media classes.  The one that I'm taking that is giving me a grade for this blog has been especially helpful.  In analyzing what keywords people use to arrive at my blog, I noticed a special one: INTJ.  


The INTJ


What the hell is that, you ask?

Introverted
iNtuitive (don't think that "N" instead of "I" shit doesn't bother us because it does...)
Thinking
Judging

I think we will start talking about this on a regular basis but for today, I felt it was important to get a fundamental truth out of the way:

Being an introvert does not mean that you're shy.  

I'm very outgoing and can talk to and get along with almost anyone. 

Do I want to?


Hell no.  

But I've learned how to be friendly and a good listener out of necessity and I'll do it if I must; it's just not my favorite thing. 

An introvert is someone who recharges by being alone.  An extrovert gets charged up by being around people.  

To be clear: It has nothing to do with shyness or being outgoing.  

You are almost certain to have an introvert in your life so I thought I would borrow this handy chart that I found on Pinterest to help guide you in your care for the introvert (INTJ) in your life:


 

If you offer this type of love and support to your introvert, you will be valued and prized above all others!  You may even be invited into our private world.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

What Would Lindsey Say Vol. 3


Yesterday, I got a random photo text from Lindsey.  It was this one of a bag of multi-colored pasta shaped like a penis.  

Knowing that I am quite gay and find the penis to be a useless and ugly appendage, I knew the photo was designed to gross me out.  After all, the thought of eating this type of food was...  no.

The following is a screenshot of our conversation:


She is such a joy in my life.  And if you have not ordered your copy of her book, "Ashway", please CLICK HERE and get one today!

Friday, April 4, 2014

A Bit About Losers


Success isn't hard to come by.

A winning attitude, a strong work ethic and the ability to stay focused are really all it takes.

For some people, this simple recipe is nearly impossible to do.  They start looking at what others have and they feel jealous and insecure about their own lives.

Instead of staying focused on making their own lives better and creating success for themselves, they fixate on others who are working hard and staying focused.  They may even try to cause them to stumble or get sidetracked in an effort to gain the upper hand.

You can always tell a winner by how much they focus on winning as easily as you can identify a loser by how much they focus on the lives of the winners.

If you want a life that you can be proud of, stop obsessing over others and appreciate what you have in front of you.  Review your goals and start doing things to reach them.  

Oh, and if your goals are mostly ones where there is a financial benefit and not a personal growth benefit, you are already on the wrong road.  Only losers think making a lot of money is what defines you as a winner.

Children

Do you have good kids?  Do they show you love and respect?  Are they always in trouble or turmoil because you've been too lazy to parent them?

Friends

Are your close friends ones you've had for your whole life or is your circle full of people that you only recently met?  Do you spend your spare time gossiping and cutting others down to try to make yourself look bigger or is truth and beauty on your lips?  Do you invest your time supporting your friends or are they only around to suit your needs?

Love

Do you cycle through romantic partners or are you a person who can be comitted to a relationship?  Do you seek to advance your partner, even at a cost to you?  Do you have open communication with them or do you only tell them certain things?

Time

Do you waste your life away in front of video games or television?  Do you share it with others in the community who need your companionship, expertise or labor?  How about volunteering - ever make time for that?  Or is your spare time only for your entertainment?

Discuss... what makes a winner and why are losers so jelly of them?

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Life: It Just Gets Sweeter



Remember how my grief therapist, Tanya, helped me sort the shit out in my life back last year when my dad was first diagnosed with cancer?  

She told me that if I would just find the courage to let go of the things that were a source of strife in my life (instead of hoping that they will change), I would make room for new things in my life that would bring me love, peace and joy.

That bitch didn't lie.

Things have been going well.  Really well.

It started with just finding peace and solitude with the strife now gone from my house and my life.

I could just focus on doing me and being absolutely fantastic on my own.

I could have all of my time and energy to myself or share with the people that I wanted to give to instead of giving out of obligation and guilt to people who were demanding and unappreciative.

I started to meet new people and got involved in volunteering for causes that I care about.

Then, I had the sweetest offer from the most beautiful woman to help me find ways to help my dad.  Our friendship grew and then, we started to see each other romantically.  (After all, how could I not be attracted to someone who would spend time trying to help my father get well?)

Our casual dating took a sudden turn - I remember the moment: 

She was spending the night and was in my robe with sexy fuck hair piled into a messy bun wearing a hot pair of nerdy librarian glasses. She looked absolutely stunning.  

One of my besties, Ande, came over and started telling us about her really fun night. I listened to Ande but watched my girl.  She smiled as Ande told us whatever she was telling us - I could hardly follow because I could not take my eyes off of this gorgeous creature.  

When Ande told us that a guy that she liked asked for her number, my girl clapped her hands and ran to hug Ande and said she felt like a mom when her daughter got asked to the prom. She was just so happy because Ande was happy.

She derived sheer joy from the happiness of others and it took my breath away to watch her watch Ande. 

It was at that moment that I realized that I was in deep.  She was no longer a girl I was dating; she was a girl that I now had feelings for. 

She has been teaching me a lot of spiritual, zen things about energy, reiki, positivity and healing.  It has benefited everyone around me, especially my dad.  

The fact that she is always thinking of ways to improve his cancer battle and helping me and my family shows what an enormous asset she is to my life.  There is not a time when I see her that she doesn't have some way to advance one of us in an area that we may struggle with.

Example: She knows I am in the home stretch of finishing my degree (less than 4 month until graduation!).  To help me stay focused, she gave me a necklace with a rune symbol for "completion" on it to help me finish all of my tasks. 

Whatever negativity that happens now just rolls off my back and I can't help but to smile and feel happy and positive.  When you are happy, you want everyone else to be, too.  It's a great feeling!

My new sweetheart could not be more positive and each day that I know her better, I feel incredibly fortunate to have her in my life at this place during this time.

Oh, and these little quotes on this post?  These are things that she has sent to me - I get them on a daily basis.  

She is always loving, always encouraging, always positive and always ready to pour herself out for other people.  

I am SO glad I followed the advice of my therapist by clearing out the negative things in my life to make room for the positive ones. It took some time and effort but making those decisions about what stayed and what had to go were the smartest decisions I ever made...

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

It's in Writing


It's official... she loves me.  She put it in writing on a bathroom wall. 

Did I mention that I love bad girls?

Monday, March 31, 2014

My Week in Pics

These are some things that:

1. Made me LOL


2. Made me think

3. Made me agree


4. Made me smile - I had never seen this pic of my grandfather before and now I know where my daughter got that beautiful dimple in her chin.

5. Made me smile SO BIG

6. Made me really glad I have the people that I do in my life.

Life is short - you've gotta enjoy it!

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Outed on Amazon.com

No Warning...


I let my daughter handle the deets when it came to writing her book, Ashway.  She signed her own contract (her dad reviewed it) and had it edited by someone else.  

In fact, I still have not read it because I was trying to buy a case at a wholesale price and was not able to get anywhere with the publisher on a timetable that I could live with.  

So today, I went to Amazon to order a copy.  (You can get your own by clicking HERE)

Ooooh!  There are 2 reviews (5 stars by verified purchases) and wow - they have a thing where you can look on the inside and also see the back cover now!  How exciting... a short author bio!  And I LOVE that pic of her.  

Oh, she mentions being homeschooled.  How adorab....

Wait.

Did my kid just OUT ME AS A LESBIAN ON AMAZON.COM?!?!


Fuck yes, she did!



No warning.  Nothing.  

THIS is how I found out.  

Damn her introvertedness...

Monday, March 24, 2014

Love My Girls


The girls that I love all came over this weekend.  This pic is now my favorite of all time (it even has my sweet puppy, Ke$ha in it).  

This one is my second favorite:


I had a great weekend with the people that I love and feel so thankful to have so many wonderful, amazing, strong women in my life.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Ashway : A Post-Apocalyptic Tale by Lindsey Bradford

ASHWAY by Lindsey Bradford

Yes, my kid is now a published author!  

Her first book came out yesterday and I would love for you all to order 10 copies.  You can get it here or, on Amazon.com here.

I will be posting reviews (and link-backs to your blog) if you'd care to write one.  Thank you for your support!

Sunday, March 16, 2014

What Friends Can't Possibly Know


The Problem

I had dinner with a friend last week.  

She was sharing with me how she felt this amazing, unexplainable connection with her ex.  They had gone their separate ways and dated other people. 

They recently ran into each other and reconnected.  They talked and the spark was still there.  They both felt it and began to discuss the possibility of a reconciliation.  

The problem, however, was that they had gotten together and broken up so many times that their friends were discouraging any type of communication between them and would never support another reconciliation.

Been There, Done That

 

I listened with interest because I know what that feels like. I was crazy in love with my ex and when she left our marriage, my family and friends suffered along with me.  

-My daughter saw me break down and cry more in those first 2 weeks than she had in her entire life.  

-I sat in my friend Gina's car asking, through tears, what else could I have done to make her happy?  

-Night-owl, Donna, got 3am texts from me asking her to tell me what she did to deal with it when she went through it.  

-Pals Kelly & Karen took me for more than a few margaritas to coach me through the first broken heart of my life (at age 42).  

-My parents were as sad as I was because they loved her like a daughter. 

It was horrible for me, but also really bad for those who loved me. 

When my ex returned and wanted to try again, most of my friends were skeptical but sort of left the ball in my court to decide. After my ex left a second time and the break up was the ugliest in lesbian history, there was not a single one among them who would have supported our reconciliation.

I was torn between:
  • feeling grateful that they helped me to stand strong when I wanted to believe that things would be different if I took her back when she was asking me to
AND...
  • feeling annoyed by them for telling me to let her go because they didn't know her like I did.  They didn't see her specialness.

What they see vs. what they can never know...

 

During a break-up, our friends see us suffer and they hear what we deal with and they get our side of the story.  Maybe they will give the other person the benefit of a doubt and assume that you both contributed to the break-up. Either way, they only see a limited perspective.

Not only have I had these friends, but I was almost one of them myself.  When one of my besties, Ande, had a horrible second break-up, I was tempted to threaten her to not get back with him.  But in the end, if it had been possible for them to reconcile and for her to be happy, I wanted that.

At the core of it all, I realized that there are things that none of your friends can ever know.  Things like:
  • The true depth of the love you had
  • The connectedness that you never experienced with anyone before
  • The inside jokes that only they would ever be able to understand
  • The knowing looks across the room
  • The perfect physical intimacy that only comes when you really know someone's body 
  • The way that you both know that you know that you were made for each other
Friends only know they are sick of hearing about the problems and want to see you happy and not struggling with the same, tired issues that you can't seem to resolve.  

"What would you think...?"


After hearing about this, my friend asked me, point blank, "What would you think if we got back together?"

I thought about all of that and then, I said to my friend, "I know what it's like to not only feel, but really know in your heart, that you were meant to be with someone.  I support your love.  If you both feel it, you owe it to yourselves to try again."

She was shocked and moved to tears.  "I never get that support from anyone.  Thank you."

Where is this going? 

 

Yes, these two will have to talk about what went wrong and be committed to making changes to avoid those same problems.  They will be careful about what they say and do because they have a new perspective of what life was like without each other.  

I have every confidence that if they can make it, they will.

If they are both willing to try and they both feel like they should be together, then we, their friends, should stand by them, cross our fingers and hold our breath.  We should add positive energy to their mix and facilitate good communication.  We should restrain ourselves from gossip and only put good things out into the universe for them.  

If the attempt fails, we will hug them, wipe their tears and be sad with them until they are ready to join the land of the living again.   

If it succeeds, we rejoice with them and take our place on the victory stand with them.  We know we had an important role and supporting a love that was meant to be.

In the end, if we can't be optimistic about love, what will we ever have to be optimistic about?  

I believe...

Lesbian Post #345


I can't stress this enough....

Friday, March 7, 2014

Just Some Lesbian Sex Talk


Yes, I am still in that class where we are using our blogs to increase traffic, build a following and use a formula to attract the attention of crawlers.  But I refuse to compromise my writing for the sake of SEO attention by writing "lesbian", "sex", and "Atlanta" over and over in my posts.  

Whatever you read here on my lesbian blog will be 100% authentic.  So here is something very lesbian that has to do with sex and I am legit writing it from Atlanta.

This weekend, the new girl and I, along with my sad neighbor Ande, will be driving down from Atlanta to Biloxi to see rumored lesbian Joan Jett play at the Hard Rock Casino.

I was talking to the new girl yesterday and she asked if we could have silent sex even though Ande will be sleeping in the same room with us.  

"Silent" is a strong word and I don't believe in it, especially when it comes to sex.  It seems unnatural and unhealthy.  I like the word "Earbuds" better.  As in, "Ande needs to wear earbuds while she sleeps."

But our conversation made me think about how much she likes to be talked dirty to throughout sex - it's her thing.  I wondered how she was going to be able to really enjoy herself without hearing my usual filthy banter.  


My curiosity got to me so I asked her, "Will you enjoy sex if I can't talk dirty to you?"  Without skipping a beat, she replied, "I can read lips, Baby."

I'm totally keeping her.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Disposable Relationships, Holding Hands and the Miracle of Love



This has been a thing that I've had to contemplate lately: disposable relationships.

We live in a jaded world where people often assume the worst about others and are very quick to walk out of the lives of people they profess to love or care about because of some slight or offense.  

When people do this to me, even if in a moment of anger, I let them go and never chase them.  The reason is because it will continue to happen over and over.  

That kind of person is not the kind of person who will listen carefully to me, calmly express themselves to me, be patient with the communication process, give space for thought or speak respectfully.  They are not the kind of person who even seeks solutions.  

They are the kind that leaves when things get difficult and I don't want that in my life. 

The older I get, the less power I give to others.  In fact, one of my favorite quotes is by Dr. Steve Maraboli who says:

“I am self-propelled; fueled from within... I learned a long time ago that if I give (others) the power to feed me, I also give them the power to starve me.”

If you've ever relied on someone you really loved and then they walked out on you, then you know what it's like to starve.    

It changes you.    

It makes you less likely to hand that kind of power over to someone else - if you are still even capable.    

I have met people that I badly wanted to trust with that power.  I wanted to hand them the keys to my heart and tell them "Please take good care of me and don't crush my spirit."   

Instead, I size them up.  I look for any evidence of malice in their hearts.  I search their eyes for hidden motives or indicators that they are a quitter.  I listen for buzzwords and ask about their past relationships to see how they ended those - were there a lot of them?  What was their longest relationship?  I literally look for anything that can help me assess their longevity propability.

Yet I know that no matter how much they say they love me or tell me that I can trust them, I know I can't judge the intents of their heart.  And even if they have good intentions now, I have seen how that can change.

Each time I remember how it feels to starve, I always end up quietly returning my keys to my pocket like a coward.  

That fear of pain stays with you.  It's ready to bitch-slap you the moment you start to let your guard down with someone.  It's ready to give you a gut punch when you start to feel something for someone.  It is the friend who puts his arm across your chest when you want to go running to hand over your keys and it whispers "Wait" in your ear. 

Because if you wait long enough, you will probably see that person bail at the first sign of conflict.  And then you feel relieved that your fear of pain kept you from foolishly handing your keys over to someone who would now be walking away with them and leaving you to starve.

 

Working It Out Like Real Women

 

I read a Facebook post last week from a lesbian friend of mine.  There was a photo of her and her woman.  They had been in love, then broke up and were now reconciled.  

The caption read:
"I am so happy...I feel seen and wholly loved. We have a love remix! If you are willing to release your ego, love can live. We choose to love each other completely. She has my heart!"

I've thought about that post all week because I always love rejoicing when other couples have walked away, realized what they had, set aside their pride and have the guts to hand their keys to each other again.

Understand This: Real Love is Rare

 

I wish people would really understand how rare love is - how truly miraculous it is to find a person that you...
  • can be your real self with
  • can trust
  • know loves you more than anyone ever will
  • want to spend every minute of your day with, laughing, doing chores, cooking, traveling, sharing your day with
  • know will heal you when you feel overwhelmed with grief 
  • know will share your joy when you have a success
  • know you can make beautiful memories with
  • want to make love to and who knows your body inside and out
  • know understands what a commitment is and how to honor it
  • know will understand that relationships have peaks and valleys and will work even harder to say together when the forces of the world are at work trying to pull you apart
  • know will never let go of your hand

So What Is Your Problem?


What I will never understand is how we let the pettiness of life get in the way of us treasuring love. 

  • Why would you not cherish it like it was the most important thing you've ever possessed and guard it like a Templar Knight?   
  • Why would you put others ahead of the one you love? 
  • Why would you drag your feet to remove any and all obstacles that hinder you from it? 
  • Why would you be too lazy to listen to their fears and assure them that you heard them and show them that you are their biggest advocate and ally? 
  • Why would you not seek to ensure that you will be the first person they want to come to when they are hurting instead of someone else? 
  • Why do you have a "Plan B" in your heart that will allow you to walk out on this person should the going get tough? 
  • Why wouldn't you do everything in your power to make them feel like the most special person on the planet? 
  • Why would you take them for granted and dismiss them so flippantly? 
Even more, why would you let go of their hand?


Takeaway: Only those who treasure it deserve to have love

 

To my friend and her love: I stand in awe of you.  

Swallowing your pride and recognizing the miracle that you both have is extraordinary. So is trusting someone else with the keys to your heart.  

If anyone deserves love, it is you - the people who recognize it for the absolute and total miracle that it is and treat it like the most valuable treasure on earth. 

Feed that love.  Care for it.  Guard it with your life.  And never let go of each others hand.

Friday, February 28, 2014

Atlanta Lesbian Conference: One Week Away

Put this on your Atlanta lesbian calendar...

Check out my latest piece in today's issue of The Georgia Voice, p. 15.  If you are a lesbian in or near Atlanta, check out this conference.  The ladies who put this together are fantastic!

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Even Hipsters Label Themselves




Y’all know I usually only write when I have some type of inspiration.  Today is no different.

I’ve been thinking about labels and conversations around them.  Oddly, I’ve had two such conversations about labels this week.

One friend was telling me about being labeled by someone she was close to.  She didn’t agree with the label but declined to argue her point in order to maintain a positive relationship with the person who labeled her.  

Another friend refused to accept a label.  

You and I would call a man who works at a fire station, wears a big helmet and yellow rubber jacket and slides down a pole during an emergency to put out fires – we would call him a “firefighter.”  There is no ambiguity in what he does.

That is how clearly this person could be labeled.  But she won’t take her “fireman” label because she “doesn’t like labels.”   However, she does label herself in other ways.  It’s just this particular label that she may be struggling with.

When I came out of the closet, I had no idea of the variety of lesbians that there were.  Butch, soft butch, boi, lipstick, Chapstick, granola, femme, high-femme… they are all labels that can be used to describe the type of lesbian you are.  

Only none of them fit me.

So I created my own label: rocker chick.

Yeah, it’s not an exclusive-to-lesbians term.  And I don’t give a fuck.  It’s what I am.  I will write that shit on a name tag and wear it with pride.

I know it’s all hipster right now to shun labels because you should see yourself as unique and one-of-a-kind.  But honestly, they are not your enemy.

As a professional organizer, I love labels.   

They help people know what’s inside the box.  Labels help people sort shit out in a way that makes sense to them.  

I can write “Toys” on a box of rubber bands because that’s what they are to me.  But you might write “office supplies” or “fasteners” on the box.  It doesn’t really matter what you call them.  They are still rubber bands.

When someone wants to label you, it’s just a tool that they use to help them sort out in their own mind what you are.  It doesn’t change what you are.  It doesn’t cling to you, penetrate you or make you become something you aren’t.  It’s just a way that someone else is trying to order your place in their head.

I think the first and only poem my mom ever taught me was this childhood gem:

"Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words will never harm me."

While not exactly the same thing, the principle is the same: they are just words.

Don’t be offended when someone puts a label on you.  Just be glad they have you on their mind.